I just finished reading an article in Business Insider entitled “The Ten Most Annoying Management Terms” and couldn’t help but stop and think about all of the buzz words that float around. From there my brain carried on to the impact that they must have on people. And from there I continued on in my mind to the effect words have on people (don’t worry this is normal for me). Words are so powerful, and can pack an incredible punch to the recipient, sometimes depending on the context in which they are received. Today’s fast-paced, crazy environment only seems to add to that impact. It seems like we hardly ever take the time to have that face to face conversation because, let’s face it, it’s so much easier to simply send a text, BBM, email, well…you get the picture. Long gone for most of us are the days of taking the time to track someone down to have that personal face to face conversation, or at least take the time to pick up and dial the phone. Now don’t get me wrong, I am no different then the mass majority when it comes to these “quick and easy” ways of communication. But today I can’t help but stop and wonder about some of the messages that I have sent. I wonder if any of them were ever put in the wrong context simply because my message wasn’t clear, or there was a tone perceived by the way it was worded.
This whole subject makes me go hmmmm and reminds me of an experience I had not that long ago, and how a few extra seconds out of my day definitely left an impression. Good or bad I’m really not sure, but an impression nonetheless.
I was in Las Vegas at the end of September, and we decided to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. The restaurant was absolutely packed and there were maybe two empty tables that were simply waiting to be cleared and were then filled with waiting patrons. We were seated by a hostess, and then greeted by one of the most outstanding waitresses that I have ever come across in my life. Sara came to the table to take our drink order and let us know the nightly specials as all waitresses will, but there was a difference with Sara. There was a genuinely caring feeling coming from her, and it seemed that she, in fact, really did want to listen to what we had to say. I immediately commented to the group I was with that I really liked this waitress. Anyone that knows me knows that I will never be labelled as someone who is happy to just relax and take it all in. My brain runs 100 miles an hour and so does the shaking of my right leg as I anticipate what will happen next. When she returned with our drink order she asked if we were ready to order. Everyone except me was (I knew looking at the 40 page menu that there was no way that I was going to be able to come up with an answer to that question so I hadn’t even tried). So she and I went through a series of questions from “What do you like?” to “What would you suggest?” I couldn’t help but get the impression that she really wanted this to be the best dining experience possible, and was making it her mission to see that it happened. The restaurant was crazy busy, but whenever she would stop by the table we had her complete and utter attention; not for one second was she looking away or wondering what was next for her. Every time she stopped at the table, I just felt comfortable. As we were nearing the end of our meal and Sara stopped by the table, I asked her to please have her manager come out as I would like to talk to him or her. You could see all expression leave her face so I quickly explained that it wasn’t a bad thing, I just wanted to talk to him. Surprisingly, her manager did not visit my table. I think Sara was sure this would end badly for her and chose not to tell her manager I’d requested to speak with him.
Now up until this evening, I was always the guy that requested to speak to the manager if I had a bad experience. I would go out of my way to find the manager or owner of the establishment and let him know the concern or problem that I had encountered because “if I owned the business I would want to know, so really, it’s my duty” was what I would always tell people. By the same turn, if the service was better than what I expected, I would always respond with the appropriate gratuity to let the waitress know that I thought she had done a great job. But this particular time a nagging thought wouldn’t leave my mind. Yes, me simply giving a larger then normal tip would probably make Sara’s night, but how would the manager ever know that she had gone above and beyond to make these visitors experience a great one? Also, let’s say for a minute that this restaurant was in transition, or at a time where lay-offs were necessary for some reason, and Sara just happened to be at the bottom of the “totem pole”. If this was the case, the bigger gratuity wouldn’t do much to help (it wasn’t going to be THAT big), and this to me was unacceptable.
So we settled up the bill at the table, and as we were making our way out of the restaurant, I stopped at the front counter and asked to speak to the manager. When the gentleman came to the front, it was pretty easy to read the look of horror on his face to see a 6’2” guy standing there waiting for him. I introduced myself and proceeded to say that I wanted him to know how amazing Sara had been and that I thought he needed to be aware. He immediately let out a huge sigh of relief and thanked me for letting him know. I told him that he should take good care of her because if I owned a restaurant in the area, I would most definitely steal her away!
As we walked away, I could not help but wonder if taking the time to seek out the manager personally as opposed to filling out the generic comment card on the table had made any difference. I know I have sometimes received messages from people that have caused me to shake my head and wonder how I should take what the person is saying. It is so much easier to see and feel what another person means when you are face to face, as opposed to reading their words.
Well, I returned to Vegas three weeks later (because I just can’t get enough of the city that doesn’t sleep) and on our second night returned to the Cheesecake Factory, but sadly, did not see my favorite waitress. But just as we were finishing up, the manager that I’d had spoken with on my last visit walked by the table. I smiled and he immediately stopped, stuck out his hand, and said “Chris, how are you my friend?” I was speechless (not an easy feat let me add)! In a restaurant of that size, with that many people moving through and after three weeks going by, I could not believe that he would remember my name. My question, however, had been answered. It really does make a difference when we take the time to have a face to face conversation.
We all know that words are powerful weapons, and a word left unspoken can be just as dangerous as a sharply delivered message. Experts suggest children need to hear approximately four positive statements for every negative comment to counterbalance the impact of that one negative comment. Sobering isn’t it? Another point we need to remember, is that we all receive a message through the filter of our personal experiences. I may interpret or apply a different meaning to a comment because of where I’ve been, who I’ve been influenced by in the past, or the message I received 20 minutes ago. That filter can often put a spin on a quickly penned message that wasn’t meant to be there. I’m willing to bet me asking Sara to arrange for me to see the manager was passed through a filter of not so great past experiences, resulting in her being unable to believe there was a positive message at the end of it. All of this to remind us to think twice before pushing send, hitting enter or clicking the mouse. And better yet, don’t even start letting your fingers do the talking. Give the recipient of your message the privilege of seeing your face while you deliver it!
I want us all to know the impact of taking the time to stop, smile, and say something positive and empowering to someone else as opposed to rushing through our day to day routine thinking that we could be getting somewhere quicker without taking the time to be human. It might feel good to “kick the dog” when our day has gone haywire, but 10 minutes later the day is still haywire, and now someone else’s day is too. The payoff when we do the right thing, isn’t just for the person receiving our message. I guarantee the thrill will be there for you too! I walked out of the Cheesecake Factory that night knowing I had made a positive impact, and that is a feeling like no other. We are so privileged to work in an industry where care is our number one responsibility. We are rightfully called Healthcare Workers or Healthcare Providers. Let’s make sure we take the time to be the best we can be and encourage those we meet to do the same. It’s up to us to keep the CARE in those oh so important titles!!